Expectations and Reservations

Turns out, I'm not much of a fitness blogger! The documentation of losing weight to join the Air Force didn't happen, mostly because the working out didn't happen, but who wants to see awkward half-naked pictures of my goofy self? My Instagram followers will, eventually, but I'm reverting to my old tone of talking about personal things in a not-so-personal setting: this blog.

I have problems, and I'm working on them, and I want to share my experiences so that, maybe, someone else can feel empowered to get professional help. While it may seem like I'm pretty open about everything (my most viewed post [90 views] was about nearly committing suicide), there's a lot I don't talk about because it's just too scary.

I want to talk about the scary things though, because even though I've never broken 100 views, I know that my posts help somebody somewhere, and I don't want to let them down. Even if I'm just entertaining 89 random internet users, I like to think that I'm changing the life of that one just a little bit.

Of Darkness, Strength, and Pain

A year ago I almost killed myself. I spent four hours curled up under my bed, clicking the safety on and off of my gun while I sobbed. I'd made some choices that ended my life as I knew it, and I couldn't find a good reason to keep living. In the end, I decided to spite the object of my pain by not giving her the satisfaction knowing she'd gotten under my skin that thoroughly.

I've dated several women who've survived some truly terrible things, and the ex that I was pining over was no exception. We tried to have the classic BYU-I Do romance: engaged a month after becoming friends and married three months later, but that didn't work for us, and I chose to take all of the responsibility for that. Not everyone comes to the point of suicide like this, but the end result is the same: you make a choice to either end the pain, or live with it.

In my limited experience, the latter option has two variations: get professional help, or lie to yourself and pretend everything is fine. Lying to yourself eventually results in another long night looking down the barrel of a 9mm, so I recommend getting professional help. The hardest part of getting help is that you have to admit that something evil and disgusting and terrifying is inside you, which is harder than just ending the pain.

The "logic" behind killing yourself is absurd to most people who haven't been there, but it's perfectly clear to those who have. Think about an earth shattering event; your father dying two weeks before summer vacation, your mother getting diagnosed with cancer, your brother-in-law choosing drugs over your sister, your nephew getting thrown off an overpass by the jerk who used to sell him crack. These kinds of disasters happen without warning, and can destroy your life, unless you choose to be stronger than the pain.

I've known some impossibly strong people, and I've been trusted enough to hear a few of their stories, and I'll share one while preserving anonymity. 

One of my close friends was raped during her first semester of college. She wrongly blamed herself, and picked up cutting as a form of self-punishment. When that didn’t erase the memories, she became anorexic as a way to express her hatred for herself for surviving what was done to her. One day, she realized that every time she skipped a meal, every night she was too hungry to fall asleep, every time she opened her veins, she was giving more and more power to the monster that had violated her.

So she fought back, she redefined herself without fixating on her traumatic exprience. She started eating normally, she picked her social life back up, and she started loving her body instead of torturing it. She immersed herself in the Gospel, and chose to serve a Mission to help others through the conversion process. It’s been said that a life well lived is the best revenge, and I couldn’t agree more. What happened happened, and nothing will ever erase her scars in this life, but it’s not how she decides to define herself.

She started by ignoring the problem, then she tried to end the pain, and when that didn’t work, she ignored the problem even more. Nothing in her life turned around until she got help. It took years, but eventually she overcame the darkness that forced itself into her story.

I went through the same steps, and thought I was doing great at avoiding the darkness and the pain until I spent the night curled up with a handgun. I couldn't let my pain have that final word, so I got help. It was horrible, looking my demons in the eyes and coming to an understanding of how much darkness was inside me, but the peace and the relief I now feel is infinitely stronger than the Hell I forced myself to live through.

I now define my life by my constant choice to be strong, not by the mistakes I've made. If you're not sure you can be strong enough to keep going, get help! Turn to a trusted friend, a roommate, a psychologist, anyone who can sympathize with your pain and hold your hand as you walk out of the darkness. It'll be the most difficult choice you ever make, but there's no price that can be put on saving your own life.

Take a deep breath, and look up.

Saturdays Are Fun

Any thoughts on the new layout? I fiddled with it for a couple days, it's just about where I want it. My goals might be obvious from the new layout; but I'm going to write them out for your benefit, not necessarily in order of importance:

Goal #1:Nutrition
The biggest hurdle in my way is being 35 pounds overweight. Now, my scale and the scale at the Recruitment Center disagree, but the Air Force doesn't care about the scale in my bathroom. The last time I lost this much weight it was done in an unhealthy manner, so I'm going to try to find accountability buddies.

Goal #2: Buddies
Being part of a community creates support and accountability. I tend to stress eat, so going back to school has potential to wreck my goal. Having people who are working in the same direction I am will help with being responsible, and will help with staying motivated when I get stressed or depressed.

Goal #3: SchoolingI have a love-hate relationship with my school. I love the atmosphere of BYU-Idaho (the Spirit of Ricks), and I enjoy the small-town vibe of Rexburg, and I'm not opposed to the winter weather, but I have yet to find a study method that works well for me. That's my own fault, and I'm working on it, so I'll be blogging about school occasionally. I promise not to complain.

There's my current life plan! Be healthy, have friends, stop failing classes, be happy! I'd love to see a couple people get the spirit of my adventure and start their own, tell me if you do!

30.10.06: A New Face

Friends, Idahoans, and Fellow Americans,

I'm changing the format of my Blog! When I was out being a Missionary, the preachy journal-esque aspect was perfect, but it doesn't really fit my current dreams, goals, and desires. Back then I was an eclectic wannabe-bohemian teen seeking to find my core. I pretty well did that, so I'm shifting gears! I'm going for more of the musings of someone entertained by the changes they see in life, internal and external; someone who's curious to see how this develops, rather than dissecting every bit of information for it's current relevance and meaning.

I'm almost two dozen years old now, which means I've lived a quarter of my life. It's been a good quarter, and the next one is going to be even better. Why? Because I decided so! Happiness is a choice, a choice to find joy in the daily failings and successes of life. There will always be a chemical element in the human brain that pushes one towards depression, but choosing happiness can take the edge off of it. How much of an edge? That's between you and a qualified therapist, but my brain can be kept happy by loving how warm my bed was, how brisk the morning air was, the swelling of the major chords the morning in Music and the Spoken Word, and the smell of the banana pancakes I'm working on.

But I digress...

My new goal is to get fit, get in the Air Force, and get really good at teaching people how to not get killed by the environment. The first step is the most important, as it'll not just get me the job I want, but it'll also get me in a better place physically. So follow me if you like the idea, don't if you don't, I know that I'll always have my mom, and that's really enough for me... until I get married, if my wife wants my body heat, she'll need to comment occasionally.

I've got some redesigning to do, I'll hear ya on Side B!

April 2016: Easter is a Second New Year

Here's the top three big things I'm looking forward to in April:

Moving to Texas! 

I'm headed to Bryan to work at Texas A&M on the grounds crew.

Taking a break! 

I haven't had more than 11 days without schoolwork since last January. I really need this.

Adventure! 

This is the same as the first one, but I really love going somewhere new and letting it change me.

Speaking of things I love, I love Easter! I love the refocusing and re-centering it brings to my life. I observe all of Passion Week, in my own little way, and that has made a huge difference in how I think of Christ and the Atonement. By stretching out my joy and contemplation for a week, especially with it marking the end of Lent, I am prone to having deep insights into what's been going right, and what's been going wrong.

To really understand what's been going wrong and what's been going right, we're going on a little adventure, using Easter over the years as guideposts along the path;

2012: I was days away from starting my Mission, the biggest and scariest thing I'd ever done, and I couldn't have been more excited. I had done everything possible to prepare myself, and I was as ready as I ever could have been for it.

2013: I was a year into my Mission, and loving it! I was with some amazing Missionaries and Church people, and a lot was happening back home. My favorite sister got married, my favorite Seminary teacher passed on, and I was, for the first time in my life, really understanding the universal appeal of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

2014: I had just gotten home, and my blog post makes it obvious that I was:
1. Sleep deprived thanks to my baby niece, and
2. Not sure what to do with my life next.
There was a generally hopeful tone in my words, but also a lot of confusion.

2015: There was no blog post from this time, but I remember it pretty vividly. The confusion had stacked up to the point that I was on three different antidepressants, and twice was not allowed to leave my therapist's office because he thought I would kill myself. It was a pretty dark time, but I hadn't even found the path that would lead to my darkest days.

2016: To say that there was a night-and-day change would be to shortchange the Atonement of Christ! Everything in my life got better, no more drugs, no more therapy, no more suicide, and a whole new lifestyle. In a way, I did kill myself; through Jesus Christ, the person I was died, and someone similar but different came out of the experience.

Easter is a Second New Year. We can all stop, catalog how well we've been using the Atonement, and decide that we'll change up a few things before Easter rolls around again. For me, it's dedication, the relentless pursuit of excellence that blasts through adversity and leaves a Hell-shaker standing where a weakling once was.

What are you going to do with your life?

Truth in Punk Rock

The men of Linkin Park are geniuses, and may or may not have had an amazing grasp on the basis of the Atonement. Maybe I'm the only one that likes to analyze popular music for hidden (probably unintentional) Gospel overtones, but seriously, bear with me as I explain the last half of the chorus of the hit song "In the End". Pure gold.

"I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter"

Okay, here goes;

"I had to fall"
I made some poor choices in the past year (and a lot of good ones), but because of that I kinda lost it all. Your confidence takes quite the beating when you realize that you've crippled yourself when it comes to your spiritual life and eternal progression. In the wake of the burning shame for the stupidity I'd engaged in, I decided the best course of action was to double dip and try to one-up the first bad choice I made. Let me tell you now, that is never ever the right choice. No matter how horrible you feel for the way you've behaved, throwing the last vestiges of your caution to the wind is not the best option. And, as a consequence of going all but entirely off the reservation, I spiraled into the deepest depression of my life; worse than when my father died, worse than when I left everything I'd ever known after I was beginning to heal from his passing, even worse than when I came how from my Mission to realize that I had to deal with the real world again.

It truly sucked. In the depths of that depression I had more than a few moments when living was too hard. I was done, forget you all, I'm going to find a way to end it. Now, I'm not the dramatic kind; I was planning to walk into traffic on a major road, a little mess to clean up, but an instantaneous end to all the pain. I was thinking pretty darn selfishly, and I'm ashamed of how I treated those who should have been some of the most important people in my world. Which is where the next line came in.

"To lose it all..."
In going down in my blaze of shame, I created fatal amounts of strain with a lot of the people I loved. The only real friends I had at that point were those from high school, and I alienated the ones at the center of the circle, which created ripples that interfered with (almost) all of the rest of them. Like I said, it truly sucked. But, in one of the brief up-ticks in my blinding, paralyzing depression, I saw enough light to stumble my way into a counselor's office. RJ was truly a blessing from God, and I thank God on a regular basis that RJ was the therapist that I was able to meet. He helped me see just how much crud, crap, and corrosion I had accumulated on my spirit and psyche.
He helped me see that I had to lose it all.

We began the slow and arduous process of descaling, and it took some serious tools to accomplish the initial debridement. Luckily, I gave RJ carte blanche to push me, and I took everything he threw at me and ran with it. Slowly, but surely, I began to see a person I didn't want to end. The person underneath the thick coat of rubbish that I'd assembled wasn't actually a bad guy; he just had some bad habits that needed some serious working on.

I'm still in the process of losing it all; my major landmark is getting nearer, and, now that I can look back from the better side of the halfway point, I've realized that I did some amazingly idiotic things and sinned against an incredible amount of light.

"But in the end it doesn't even matter"
I'm still proving myself. I'm not at the end yet, but from my vantage point I can see a lot of really exciting things. I'm only halfway up the mountain, but looking at the the smog of the place I was and the increased clarity of the place I'm heading, I am filled with an incredible amount of hope. There is a heart-breaking amount of garbage behind me on the path. It's enough to nearly reduce me to a sobbing, surrendered heap sometimes, and added to the stress of classes, it probably would if I didn't have Dr B and Dr B working together to keep me safe and sane. It's incredible, the enormity of my mistakes.

"But in the end it doesn't even matter"
Why not?
Because of Him. Christ is here to comfort me, and in the few precious quiet moments I can find, I feel the arms of my Saviour encircle me.

Week 17: So Many New Things!

This week I got to try a lot of new things! I got released as a Missionary, gave a Priesthood blessing to a lady in labor, held a less than 24 day old baby, and started filling out a job application. With all these new things coming at me, it's nice to have my old Facebook, my old friends, my old family, and my old lifestyle back.

But, it's not really what I expected it all to be. I realized that I'm new as well. The person I've become has never had this might free time, and it's kind of strange, to be completely honest. It's pretty boring to not have a regimented work schedule to go by, and I'm really hoping I can get this job so that I'll have something to do. Until then, I guess I'm just going to figure out how to become a normal human being again.

Week #105: Infinite Wisdom

Dearly Beloved Friends,

Yesterday was My Conversion Story, a Fireside in which all the departing Missionaries invite a friend to share their testimony and reason they joined the Church with about 100 people. The young man I invited found out the night before that he had to work the next day, which was a huge bummer, but I'll get over it. It was a really good meeting, and I got to see almost everyone that I've grown to love in the last two years.

This morning I had my final interview with President Hawks. His first question was "What's happening on Friday". Don't worry, I didn't say "An airplane ride", I said "Well, I'm going to figure out a Family Home evening schedule, and then get a job so that I can support my family, and then find Sister O'Gara". That, fortunately, was the right answer, or close enough to it that he nodded and smiled. He also asked "What have you learned so far?".

What have I learned? How to work hard? How to cook edible food? How to use bleach properly in the washer? The most important, by far, is something I learned from Elder Edward Dubé last April. He said "Never look behind you!". How much better of a person I've become doesn't matter. It's not going to help me or give me happiness and success. What matters is how much I'm going to change, comparing and contrasting my own habits and personality to the perfect example of Jesus Christ. I'll never match it, but if I'm trying my best I can't get off the right track.

After a little more question and answer, a little about careers, a little about beards, a little about staying active in the Church, he gave me golden advice on dating, a drop of his infinite wisdom.

"Be the kind of person the kind of person you would want to marry would want to marry"

It took me a second to fully comprehend that, even though I've heard it a million times in a million different ways. I think I like his phrasing best; it's tricky enough that you have to slow down every time you repeat it so that you don't mess up, which makes people think about it more. If I want to get married to an amazing young woman, than I've got to be an amazing young man, it's that simple. On that same topic, he quoted a scripture I would not have immediately applied to this situation.

Doctrine and Covenants Section 88, Verse 40 says "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy..."

Once again, if you want to marry someone awesome, then be someone awesome! Opposites attract in many cases, I may marry an introverted young lady, I may marry someone who enjoys sitting at home knitting scarves, but I will never get married to someone who doesn't hold dear the same values that I do, and I can't find someone that will raise the kind of children I want without being that kind of person myself. I know, it's pretty basic logic, but I've never actually thought about it applying to me.

I've made a lot of great friends here in Hong Kong. A national Table Tennis Champion, a former Triad higher-up, a cook at a family restaurant, and most recently a Rocket Engineer who taught me another bit of wisdom.

He loved being a researcher, working for NASA for the decades that he did made him so happy. He'd go out with friends, learn and invent crazy things, and got awarded and recognized time after time again. Now that he's settled down, he really misses it, but being a father is so much better. There was not a single hint of wanting to go back to that life; he revels in the stories of his wild youth (well, if you count inventing a dozen new composite materials wild), but he is 100% dedicated to his wife and 3 children.

That's what I want to be; someone who lived a good, exciting, productive life, and then put it off to do what really matters; raise a family. Right now I'm looking at being a teacher, but there are sure to be many wild and crazy adventures along the road to that destination.

I keep getting that feeling of standing over a huge ledge, a threshold, a crossroads. Whatever happens next, what's happening now is just about over. This chapter is done, and the next book is being opened. There's decades of blank pages to fill in, and I have anywhere in the world to go to fill them up! It's exciting, it's terrifying, and I love it! Maybe I'll be a Choir Teacher, maybe I'll be a Chef on a Submarine, maybe I'll go into fashion design. Who knows! All I know is, things are about to change, and I'm going to be the one calling the shots.

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara
岳家驊長老

Letter Home #104: Maybe a Mirror, maybe a Time Warp

Dear People,

This week I did really well on not thinking about home too much...

Until yesterday. All through the records in this area (Missionaries keep meticulous records of what we do, where we go, and who we talk to), is the name "Elder Ding". Well, yesterday a tall, attractive white guy walked into the Chapel holding hands with a short, attractive white lady. He said, "Hi, I'm Brother Ding", and my comp and I were both blown back by surprise. He's been home for about 7 years now and has 2 daughters, and his Cantonese is still good enough that he can talk easily with the members of the Church here and even interpret for his wife.

Even better, yesterday I got to bless the Sacrament. It was a great way to end my Mission (I still have a week, but next week is a two-day, Church-Wide Broadcast, so we won't have regular meetings until the 20th), and even though I got the wording wrong and had to redo it (it was my first time saying the blessing in anything except English), I still felt really happy to have one last way to serve the people I've been working with for the last two years.

That being said, I'm focusing hard on finishing strong. Today I'm finally hiking the Misty Mountain, so next week, my last post, I'll be able to post some AWESOME pictures!

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara

Letter Home #103: Success Rising Amidst Failures

Dear People,

Two weeks ago I failed to clean my house, which resulted in a failure to climb the tallest mountain in Hong Kong. Then, last week, I totally failed to write a blog post. Why? I have no idea, but at the time I was surprised at how much extra time I had during emails... 

But something I didn't fail at?

Yeah, that's me, sitting in a not-so-flattering position, on the top of Castle Peak. It's not the tallest mountain out here, but it's certainly gorgeous, and the hike was more of a climb. I would put the climb at halfway through strenuous and grueling, and 100% awesome! If I had my card reader on me I'd upload a picture of me drinking a  coconut on that rock, but I've temporarily misplaced it.

Due to severe thunderstorms, there's been a lot of flooding in the New Territories, so my time is about up on the computer this week. We've got to go help some people clean out their flooded home, unless the rain is too severe so that we're not allowed to leave the house... Which might actually happen.

Don't forget your umbrellas!

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara

Letter Home #102 was lost in the ether

I was on the I-pod exchanging emails with my son and developed technical difficulties which led me to exit and return and somehow I never received a letter home this week. I had been answering a question when things froze and I exited. When I returned the email on the page seemed to be from Elder Jonathan Enoch O'Gara but when I tried to scroll up to see the beginning it was replaced by the email I had been writing. I searched the trash, spam and searched email by his name, today's date etc. Nothing. I will let him know but am not sure he will be able to do two letters next week, we shall see. I expect 3 more 'Letter Home' posts. Sister Kahuhu aka mom

Letter Home #101: Elder Healthy's Birthday!

Dear People,

Let's all wish a Happy Birthday to Elder Healthy! I haven't been his companion in 5 months, but he's still one of my favorite people, and I miss him occasionally!

Anyways,

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I can't really say that I'm celebrating (considering the lack of Shamrock Shake from McD's and Corned Beef & Cabbage sandwich from Mom), but I'm still enjoying myself by hiking the tallest mountain in Hong Kong with Elder Wong and 6 other Missionaries. I'll be sure to send you shots from "Big Misty Mountain", even if all there is to see is a lot of smog. Not gonna lie, I feel like Bilbo; about to set off into the Misty Mountains with a bunch of zany people I don't really know or trust, and I'm not exactly sure how this whole thing got started, but I have to go now...

It's gonna rock.

We found out that we're all moving to a new house today, so I slept on the roof to commemorate my last night in Kam Tin. My roommates called it camping, my comp called it bothersome (he has to sleep in the same room as me, Mission Policy), and I called it awesome! I woke up 30 minutes before my alarm, all energized, happy, and ready to go! I am going to have buckets of fun today, I can feel it!

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara

Blog Post #100: Oops

Dear People,

Yeah, I forgot again, sorry about that. I hope no one was too worried. I am, after all, in the safest place on Earth.

ANYWAYS,

I had Temple Day for the last time! I'll actually go one more time in HK, but that will be with the crew I came with, not with the people I'm serving with right now, so it'll be a bit different. Having this few days left is kinda depressing, I try not to think about it too much.

Speaking of which, I made a bow tie! I had a canvas bag with a ripped off handle and I thought "My mom taught me to be handy with a sewing needle; I ought to repair this!" Then I realized that it really is a nice shade of maroon and I promised myself I'll never wear a necktie again and one thing lead to another, and before I knew two and a half hours had passed, and, well...

Yeah, I may or may not end up having a massive party in April in which I turn all of my neckties into bow ties. Why? Because I like to sew, I like to make things, I like to repurpose things, and, most importantly, bow ties are cool.

But, all time traveling aside, I'm loving Hong Kong still. I'm not in America yet, and I'm grateful for it. I love everything I'm doing here, from knocking on doors in villages that were built before "We the People" were even born (really, there are two villages from early 1700's in my area) to knocking my bike's rear rim out of line (yeah, I'm not going to enjoy paying to replace that), and I don't want to leave it. I know that I'm doing what God wants me to be doing, I just wish I could do it for a little longer. Ya know what I'm saying'?

Life is good. Dog Lady is happy, Baseball Guy is loving the Gospel, and Elder Wong is still one of the funniest people ever. Imagine pure Internet distilled into a person, and then stretch it out to 6 feet tall, and you're pretty close to Elder Wong's personality.

I got my flight plans today, so I'm fighting the "trunky" really hard right now. Pray for me, I'm not looking forward to leaving.

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara

Letter Home #99: The Man Called J.R. Holland (Part Two)

Dear People,

"I Love You".

Of all the words to open a talk with, he chose the right ones. You could feel his love for all of us in the way Elder Holland spoke. Lots of respect, heaps of admiration, and enough jokes to keep everything flowing nicely.

The first thing he talked about was the Mission itself. Mormons have no rite of passage, no Barmitzvah or Rumshpringer or test of Manhood; the closest we have is stopping life for 18-24 months and getting thrown in the deep end with concrete shoes on and told to walk on water. That's my analogy, not his, and it is essentially how I felt... feel. But yeah, he said that what we're doing now is a huge part of showing that we really want to be Latter-day Saints. He also pointed out that our Church has no logo. Some people know the Angel Moroni statue, some people know the dark blue Book of Mormon with it's golden lettering, but virtually everyone recognizes two young people walking down a jungle path in their Sunday Best as Mormon Missionaries. I suppose that two of us knocking on doors and interrupting dinner is a common theme in other places, but we don't do a lot of that here.

He talked about Prayer, how we're expected to do more than "your thirteen-year-old version of 'Now I lay me down to sleep'", we're expected to wrestle in the Spirit and pour our hearts out, which is how you solidify and make permanent the changes that happen on the Mission. At that same time he also pointed out that part of what keeps us in the Church is having faith. Here's an easy example; imagine 85,000 18 year-old-boys and 19 year-old girls being led by 450 retired couples. Yeah, that's literally what we've got going on, and instead of being a huge disaster, it works! Why? Because we've got God leading us.

The thing I liked best that he said was that the central part of our message, the core of everything we do, is the idea that God Speaks. He spoke to Moses on Mount Sinai, He spoke to Jerusalem through His Son, Jesus Christ; He spoke to Joseph Smith in 1820, and He continues to speak to this day! The Book of Mormon is our evidence for this claim, and after nearly 200 years of being published; it's still impossible to destroy. That's why it's so important that people understand our beliefs the moment we Missionaries start speaking to them; they cannot accept our Prophets, Leaders, Missionaries, or Scriptures until they first accept that God Speaks! Current Tense!

So, yeah. That's what I'm here to do. Help people understand that God Speaks, and if you are willing to listen, you'll hear it.

Love,

Elder JE O'Gara

http://www.mormonchannel.org/our-heavenly-fathers-plan?v=1834798902001

Letter Home #98: The Man Called J.R. Holland (Part One)

Dear People,

Last night I went to a Fireside, a conference of sorts, with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland as the keynote speaker. It was outstanding! He's a master of public speaking, and even though I was at a remote broadcast location (but still only an hour away from him), I felt so much power and authority in his words. He is truly an amazing person.

The best part, however, is that I get to meet him in person tomorrow! One benefit of being a Missionary is that lots of people take pity on me for being away from home, in a place where I can't read half of everything, and I've probably got parasites from the water, air, food, and living conditions. These people that take pity on me usually give me more food, but a two hour meeting with one of the fifteen most influential people in the organization I work for is just as good. I'll be sure to talk about it next week.

ANYWAYS

Elder Holland spoke for the 65th Anniversary of Missionary work in Hong Kong. He spoke of the early pioneers in the church from those times, and how all of us today are pioneers. Obviously it's in different ways; we don't wade through rice paddies to find people anymore, we don't build chapels with our own hands these days, and we certainly don't stumble across hidden villages in the jungle as often as they used to, but we are still pioneers in three specific ways.

First, like all generations of the Lord's people, we have been called to "flee Babylon", to leave behind the evils of the world, forge our path into the wilderness, and create our own bastion of virtue. In ancient times that involved leaving Egypt and wandering for forty years, but even Jerusalem fell. What makes us special today is that we have the call to turn against "Babylon", to fight it and to ensure that righteousness stands firm.

Second, we are pioneers because we live in the greatest period of time in the history of the world. We have the promise that our efforts will not fail, that we will succeed in establishing "Zion", the place of God's people, and that He will accept our efforts. We can take comfort in knowing that our homes can become strongholds of righteousness, places of safety against those who desire to bring us down.

Third, we are the first period of time called to prepare the Church to be recognized, endorsed  and accepted by Jesus Christ. No other group of God's people has had this challenge, and we cannot fail at it. We believe that Jesus Christ will come again to the Earth, and that He will personally require an accounting from each of us in furthering His work.

Hopefully the meeting gets put online somewhere so that you can hear his words.

The work is moving forward in Yuen Long. Soccer Star said the words "I want to be baptized" (the word for "want" being "要", the same character for "need"). He's scheduled for my last Sunday in Hong Kong, so it's looking like we're going to have a fantastic end to this chapter of my life. Dog Lady and Roommate are getting closer to baptism; we finally showed her in the Bible and Book of Mormon where it proves that animals do not burn in Hell (whoever dreamed up that false idea was an evil genius), so we're hoping we can give them a goal to be baptized. 

Overall, I love everything! My comp is great, my area is great, my bike is great. Everything is good. Let's just keep praying that I keep going strong and finish up with a bang!

Love,
Elder J.E. O'Gara

Letter Home #97: And Then There Were Four

Dear People,

When I last wrote there were five of us living in the Kam Tin house, serving the greater Yuen Long area, taking guesses as to who would be the new Elder coming in to be Elder Wong's companion...

Joke's on us! I am Elder Wong's new companion! Kam Tin, as a Missionary Area, is officially closed! There wasn't enough work going on in Yuen Long 1 and Kam Tin to justify having 4 Missionaries running around, so they combined them and gave me a bike!

I cannot express my elation! Elder Wong is super energized, and the cousin of some people I enjoyed being around in my last area, so I'm pretty dang satisfied with how my last move is looking. Good area, good comp, not too much leadership responsibility, and a bike! With the cool weather warnings coming up, I feel like I'm serving in America!

But yeah, my Mission is right where I want it to be, I can't think of anything that would make it better, and I'm just really really happy to be here today! With all the fun and adventures I hear about back home, I'm glad I'm doing something worthwhile that will help me become a useful and contributing member of the human race. 

If any of you have any requests for souvenirs, email them to me or send me a little cash in an envelope if it's an expensive thing. Also, you can stop sending me packages; I'm afraid if they get held up in the mail I'll miss them. I'm almost home, so if there's something you want to give me put it in a closet for 60 days. No, I'm not counting, but part of my subconscious mind is hiding a ticking time bomb that's going to explode my brain if I don't baptize thousands before it hits zero. Please pray for my safety and sanity.

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara

Letter Home #96: Shocked Disbelief

Dear People,

Last night I got a call from President Hawks, the man in charge of the 150 of us Missionaries here in Hong Kong. Here's how the call went;

Elder Salty: How do you say C-O-A-X?
*My phone rings*
Me: Oh crap, shut up right now!
Elder Salty: What happens?
Me: Hello, President Hawks, I am Elder O'Gara, how can I help you?
The Hawk: Hello, Elder O'Gara, are you on Facebook right now?
Me: No, Sir, I am not.
The Hawk: Good, because you haven't been authorized for that yet. Is someone back home doing Facebook for you?
Me: Actually, I recieved some additional revelation from the Lord instructing me to use Facebook for Missionary work.
The Hawk: Well, you might want to go back on that one (he chuckles).
Me: I asked my mother to friend my Recent Converts so I can keep track of them, so she's working it for me. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?
The Hawk: Nope, just stay focused and stay off Facebook. Good night.
Elder Salty: BWAHAHAHAHA! I think that when you answer the phone you will die!

So yeah, my mom is trying to get me killed. It's like whatever, it's not the first time. [I am innocent, I always make it clear that it is NOT Elder O'Gara but his mother on his account! In fact some of you have msg'd with me on JE's account over the last year and a half.]

ANYWAYS

It was an eventful as stink week. [no clue folks, this is how it came] Elder Wong got sick for 4 days, and the day before he was scheduled to visit the Hospital; his companion got transferred to the office to be Housing Coordinator. So you know who got to go with him to sit in the E.R. Fever Patient Zone for 4 hours. Fortunately, I passed out and caught some z's while Elder Wong told Elder Handsome the story line of the entire Kingdom Hearts Series up to when Elder Wong left. And then he was in the exam room for literally 3 minutes. Fortunately, he's a local, so the visit only cost $100 HK (thank you, socialized medicine and taxes). 

But yeah, we didn't do a lot this week; everything is still closed from New Year, including every single Mom&Pop Restaurant in my area. The only thing I hate more than McDonalds is the fact that they upped the prices 50% on everything. These first world problems are killing me; I gotta move to Mainland.

But really, I might.

Love,
Elder JE O'Gara

Letter Home #95: Dragon Horse Energy

Dear People,

龍馬精神!

Dragon Horse Energy! It actually means "I bless you to have the energy of a dragon and the stamina of a horse for this coming New Year", but if the Holy Ghost is coming down in the form of a duck, I can say strange things too, right?

ANYWAYS!

This was a super fun week! We went up to Lok Ma Chau, which I thought might be a HUGE waste of time (an hour by bus each way), but I didn't feel the Holy Spirit telling me not to do it, so I did what every young-twenties guy does and went for it! We ended up (on our way to the lookout where you can see Shenzhen SUPER clearly) bumping into an older gentleman sweeping up firecracker dust (there's buckets of it lying around everywhere right now). Our Mission President had encouraged us to talk less about the Church and just learn about Chinese New Year. We awkwardly started a conversation about Chinese Culture, and he invited us in, introduced us to his wife, told us that he's the Dean of Faculty of the College of Technology at Hong Kong Polytechnic University (the Mission President's old job back at BYU), and then invited us back on Sunday night for a dinner with "50-60 faculty and students"!

You know we went!

It was awesome! We did Chinese BBQ (think BBQ forks, meat balls, fish balls, cocktail weiners, pork chops, sweet potatoes, etc), and then for dinner had what sounds like "Poon Choy". They take a bunch of cooked meats, throw them in a metal bowl, and then, right before serving, boil it so that everything is painfully hot! We had shrimp and clam meat on top of pork and chicken on top of pork skin and mushrooms on top of Daikon Radish, all in a salty peanut-based soup. I'm DEFINITELY going to celebrate Chinese New Year with Poon Choy for the rest of my life!

We chatted with around a dozen people, all of whom were terrified of us at first and then warmed up, including an Australian guy who grew up in a "strict Lutheran town". I'm pretty sure he's here to escape the clutches of Christianity... Ha! You gotta go to Mainland China for that one, boy-o! But he was super nice, and told us how impressed he is with "you guys' language learning program". I wasn't sure how to not sound like a whack-o while telling him it was the Holy Spirit that made it work, so I just told him something like "well, duh, we live and work out here!". Which is also a big part of why we have good language.

That's about it for this week; the work was slow on account of New Year sending everyone to Mainland. I can't blame them, it sounds like an awesome place!

Love,

Elder JE O'Gara

P.S. The nice Chinese Lady in this video taught me Cantonese. She's actually from Hawaii, but she served in Yuen Long years and years and years ago. It's kind of strange to see her here in my record books, not gonna lie.

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=2255347503001

Letter Home #94: Men

Dear People,

Yesterday was Ward Council, in which all the leaders of the various organizations in our congregation (Young Men's, Young Women's, Children's, etc.) got together and discussed the needs and challenges of the Yuen Long 1st Ward (we have 2 out here). The meeting was split fairly well (a slight male bias, but that's fairly standard for human beings), and we got some problems solved.

I realized, however, that sometimes men feel like they are getting disrespected if their ideas aren't fully considered by everyone in the room before a person responds. Maybe I'm just used to being the youngest kid in my family and the youngest person in the room, but isn't the point of putting your ideas out to have them broken down so you go pout in a corner until you concoct something worth recognition and implementation? I don't get it.

ANYWAYS

This week went SUPER fast, and I'm ultra-excited for the 4 dinner appointments we've got coming up and the big Deep Clean (AKA soak the entire apartment in bleach) coming up in response to the New Year! I'm not a Horse, but I get along with them a lot better than I do Tigers, so I have a feeling this will be a good year coming up!

Most importantly, I'd like to wish a big Happy Birthday to my favorite Desert Serving Missionary. It's good to be 21, isn't it?

Love,

Elder JE O'Gara

[editor's note: Elder O'Gara's mom is a Horse ;-]

Letter Home #93: Building Momentum, Losing Omentum

Dear People,

Please forgive my poetry, but it's the only thing I could think of to put this week in one sentence.

ANYWAYS

Last week I started doing the workout plan that Number 5 sent me a little while ago. She made some comment about daring me to laugh, cough, or go up stairs after doing it, and I didn't believe her until I trudged up the stairs to the roof (that's where I like to work out) on the second day and almost collapsed! That was because of my legs, not my heart, don't worry. Even better, later that day I went on Exchanges in Kam Tin, and we rode the bikes for about 4 hours. At first my legs hurt, but then i pushed through that and I hit the magical zone of "Too Hurt to Feel It" and had a blast for the rest of the week! That's about all I've done fitness-wise.

And success wise?

WOW! Last night we met with Computer Genius, and he's usually quiet and awkward and uninterested in the lesson, but still agrees to meet with us. Last night it was obvious that he was more interested in the lesson and we actually had a good chat before the lesson. He thinks it's cool that I want to get cooking certificates (is that what we call it in English?) from a bunch of countries' best culinary institutes, which made me think that just maybe my idea of being a chef is a viable career.

Not only that, but everyone we've been working with is noticing the Gospel bringing them more happiness and fulfilled lives! I love it!

That's all the time I have, but I love you all, keep me posted on anything awesome!

Love,

Elder JE O'Gara